Tricia Andor

Most people-pleasers try so hard to be nice and generous to others, that it’s hard to say "no".

I help smart, caring people-pleasers learn how to say "no" without guilt so they can get the time, energy, and self-esteem they deserve.

Get your free ebook, How to Say "No" Without Being a Selfish Jerk

Psychology Today Created by potrace 1.12, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2015
Woman's Day
Cosmopolitan Created by potrace 1.12, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2015

What can Self-Development Lab do for you?

Do you say "yes" to doing things you later wish you'd said "no" to? Wish you had better self-esteem? Do you avoid conflict by trying to be "nice," trying to "make people happy," and "keeping the peace?"

If so...


Meet Alex.

Alex is a smart, hardworking city-girl.

She has a good job. She’s in good health. She has a good family.

Alex is grateful for all these things, but she’s also constantly bothered by annoyances that keep cropping up in her life like persistent weeds. For instance, this past week:

Jared, a coworker who’s normally friendly acted distant towards Alex — like he was irritated about something. Alex hates confrontation, so she intentionally avoided Jared as much as possible.
Alex recently decided to pursue a certification to advance her career. She asked her mother, sister, and numerous friends what they thought about it. Several were excited for her, which made her feel great. Alex loves approval! But when a few others were lukewarm about the certification, she started doubting herself.
She had lots of thoughts like, "You should be doing more creative learning activities with the kids"..."You can’t take time for yourself...unless you’re totally burned out and depressed." (But she still feels guilty taking a nap even then). Alex has had low self-esteem ever since she can remember.
Her mom called to talk about the extended family’s decision to do the holiday get-together at a beach resort. Her mom thinks it’s rude to hold a family gathering at a place she personally can’t afford. Alex is her mother’s go-to person to share problems with, and enjoys feeling needed. At the same time, she also tends to feel responsible to make her mom and other people happy, which gets tiring.
When Liz asked Alex to watch her kids last-minute again, Alex couldn’t say "no." Even though she was exhausted and it was her day off. Alex envies other people who can say "no" but she just can’t seem to do it herself. She’s not angry; she just wishes that Liz appreciated it a little more.
She’s going through a rough patch and wishes she had more support. She’s super loyal to her family and friends, but when she has a problem, it seems like they’re not there for her to the degree that she is for them.

She's an insightful person, so Alex gets that these annoyances might be problems.

She works hard to change the situations and feel better about them, but it always feels like she’s chipping away so slowly. Not getting where she wants to be. And we all know what it’s like to try hard, put in the time, but keep spinning our wheels. We don’t get anywhere because we’re actually trying the wrong things.

What Alex doesn’t know yet, is that all six of these problems are actually connected. She also doesn’t know there are 3 specific skills that can help get rid of them.


If Alex’s problems sound familiar to you, the Self-Development Lab can help.

Just enter your name and email below to get 3 new skills — free! — that will help you get rid of these six annoyances and get you feeling better this week.