3 Reasons People-Pleasers have so Little Time and Energy

Something I’ve come to appreciate over the years is the rich difference between when we know a little about something — giving it attention on the occasion that it comes to mind — versus when it’s an obsession that we’ve clocked in thousands of hours studying and investing in. The thing that’s our full-time vocation.

Take Jane Goodall for example.

She was obsessed with animals from childhood on. In her twenties, she goes to a forest in Tanzania and sets up camp to live amongst the chimpanzees — something no one had ever done in 1960. Clocking in thousands of hours observing one, ten, twenty, then hundreds of chimpanzees afforded her the opportunity to gain a level of understanding and expertise that no one at that time had. She made discoveries that forever changed our human understanding of chimpanzees.

When I first started seeing clients who were people-pleasers, what I noticed was limited to that specific person. Their individual story. But after helping a dozen, then a dozen more, and a dozen more after that, I noticed that many smart, compassionate people-pleasers had similarities that transcended their individual story and linked them with other compassionate people-pleasers. Some of those similarities related to strengths, and other similarities related to problems each individual had.

This video summarizes three observations I’ve gathered over the years from my work with people-pleasers. Namely why they often don’t have as much time and energy as they would like and deserve.